. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

it could make you cry.

please come home.

someone
please
tell
me
what
to
do
with
my
life.

i saw broken social scene last night. they played for two hours straight. TWO HOURS. it was the closest thing i've ever come to a religious experience and obviously the best show i've been to by far.
afterward, i got kevin's lighter and pick, both of which have bite marks. was i thisclose to licking them? maybe.

&

( Read more... )

wtf.

thanks, guys!
i got up today at 2. because my cousin had a baby. yeah! babies!

so i got drunk with my mom for new year's. happy new year?
watching dick clark (which was honestly really, really, depressing. i got really teary...), my mom told me that she really liked fergie and the pussy cat dolls ever since seeing them on ellen. at one point, when ryan seacrest was saying something not worth remembering, she said, "GIMME FERGIE!"

yeah, today wasn't so bad.

today i woke up at 7:30. PM.

...

what.
the.
fuck.

i've found it really hard to be motivated to do anything here. no one's around. it's a dead "town," if it can even be called such a thing. i've only left the house once since break began. it was about a week ago when i walked though a foot of snow to go to a toy store, subway, and the post office. since then, i've developed a sleep schedule about 12 hours off from what it should be. i see barely any sunlight. i miss it a lot.

last night i thought i'd just try and stay up so that i could go to bed around a decent hour and actually get out of the house before the sun went down again. obviously, that didn't happen. i ended up going to bed at 11 am. i wanted to leave the house, see if my favorite target employee ever just happened to be working that day, but none of these so called "plans" materialized.

at this point, i'm just complaining about things that are my own fault. at least that will help pass the time...in addition to catching up on 20 episodes of gossip girl.

xoxo

p.s.
HAAAAALP PLZ.

i had my first REAL snow/ice induced fall today outside commons. i laughed a lot, but it hurt a lot too.
i don't think anyone saw...

( HOME FRIES: america's biggest disaster threat )

it's finals.

it's snowing.

the word of the day is "dastard" : a malicious coward. pronunciation: DAS-tard. part of speech: noun.

mp3:
right click & save.


[EDIT] i guess i should provide some background: i just think it's a really, really, really, REALLY great song. FUCKINGAMAZINGSHITOMGFOREALZ.

so fulfilling the dreams of 16-year-old suburbanites everywhere, i took a trip to the local mall this afternoon. westfield mall, to be exact. and just to give you an idea of what this place is like, they sell shirts that read:

"VANCOUVER
(not b.c.)

WASHINGTON
(not d.c.)"

awesome.

so immediately entered the large, fluorescent-lit room they call forever 21. i couldn't help it, i know how terrible it is, the deplorable working conditions to which the people who manufacture the their GO GREEN, $6 totes are subjected, the way some some of these haute couture pieces are strategically crafted in order to show just the right amount of skin in just the right places - so that some 9th grader will finally do it with the ubiquitous, greasy guido from that underage dance club. i know. but that's a discussion for another day.

after spending about twenty minutes among the regularly-priced items, i was on my way to the sale rack. something incredible happened.

something that struck a chord. like, fo realz...

i recognized the first two seconds of a song that immediately followed what sounded like panic!!!!!guyliner~*11!~~* at the disco: "...two, three, fo-" OHSHITNOWAY.

yeeeeah, um. it was flight of the conchords. it was "ladies of the world." it was the band i live and breathe for and want to touch on the penis. the people whose lyrical genius i had honored only thirty minutes prior, with the windows rolled down and a smile on my face.

i was floored. you must understand that this isn't the typical forever 21 soundtrack. usually, it's some R&B filled with "ooh baby"s and short silences replacing FCC-forbidden obscenities. and i know that sometimes the sales people are allowed to play their own music and it's highly probable that these three minutes and fifty seven seconds of gold probably slipped into this person's playlist via some sup-pop summer sampler treasured by the subject for the new death cab...but now i'm just being a bitch, so i'll stop. my point is that even within everything else i had heard, this didn't seem to fit. it's superiority made it an odd man out amongst top 40 number ones from 2005.

i'm not sure what my exact reaction was, but it was completely involuntary. it probably sounded like a hiccup/burp/sneeze/squeal combination. because i didn't know weather to laugh or cry. really.
but i proceeded to sing the rest [to myself] while surrounded by blue and yellow polyester and black and brown pvc. i kept looking up every once in a while from the many racks of babydoll dresses and skinny jeans just to see if anyone else noticed just what exactly was gracing our poor, deprived cochlea. i was astonished that no one found lines like "it's got to be sweet sixteens/not m16s" went completely unnoticed. i honestly expected a couple of "wtf?!"s or a few giggles, but there were none. i almost felt bad that no one else was able to appreciate it - this incredibly refreshing gift in the midst of so many men hollering for chicks with apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur. maybe no one paid any mind because they took "it's got to be funky, sexy ladies" in the literal sense. it's what we're used to. because that's what we're exposed to in these shops, subliminal messages hidden behind this thing we call music in order for us to think that it really is our social duty to find the said jeans and boots...and fill them out appropriately. basically, i'd just like to say: ladies of the world, there is hope.

this is how i feel right now:



help. me.

what do you guys do when you feel totz sad?

I'm too tired to produce anything else:
( DON'T CHA KNOW? )

P.S.
Roadkill count for the day: 11
(including one deer and something that looked like a platypus...it was all so very sad)

P.P.S. Today is the 30 year anniversary of Elvis's death. (We've seen way too many impersonators.)

Okay, just when I thought I'd have nothing to write about...
After a trip to Whole Foods [EDIT: MMM, collard greens! They're good!], Mama Moro and I headed for Nashville, Tennessee. For some reason, Mom felt compelled to drive through the city...It was so memorable...I'm speechless. (And if you're not accustomed to my flavor of sarcasm, well there was your first taste.)
Afterwards was Paducah, Kentucky (I thought it was Pay-doo-kah), pronnounced "Pah-du-kah" - the town was so small, we drove right passed it.
I'm not sure how, we followed all the signs:

Paducah 5

Paducah
Next Exit

One hour later:
Welcome to Blackwell

Before the Blackwell signs; however, we spotted an EconoLodge off the highway. Needless to say, it looked smelly and dusty so we decided to keep heading west.
Eventually, we ended up on a two dark, two-lane highway with steep shoulders that looked like no car had driven on it since 1902. No, really. I think I saw some Model T parts on the side of the road.
Anyway, we headed down that "street" for about an half an hour, the time being 9 PM CENTRAL.
"Oh, I think I see something," Mom kept driving. They were a truck's headlights. We pulled over into a deserted parking lot of a school and chuch. Mom pulled out the Kentucky map - "LOOK FOR ANYONE COMING. THAT'S GOING TO BE YOUR JOB. I NEED TO LOOK AT THE MAP. BUT IF YOU SEE ANYONE COMING I'LL JUST HIT THE GAS." "Can --" "NO JUST MAKE SURE NO ONE'S COMING."
"Chill, no one's coming," what I was really thinking was "Wow, this would be a really great place for a double homicide." There was a forest right next to us and everything, you know, to hide the bodies...
We tried calling a few hotels but both of our cell phones had no service. Yes, the perfect place for murder...you can't even call the fucking police.

So we drove back the other way. A sign of life! Walgreen's! We got directions to a Holiday Inn and the rest is history.

( If you're curious as to what I saw today: )

( CLICK HERE TO STALK ME! )
To be updated daily...

So I didn't think it'd be this bad.
Out of everyone, I think I was the most excited and eager to go away to college...and I feel required to say this cliched chliche, but you really don't know what you've got until it's gone. I don't think I'll ever have friends like the ones I've made over the past six years, and the thought of living across the country from every one of them makes me nauseous. (No, it really does. Dramamine, please!)
Anyway, I hope everyone knows how much I love them...and this isn't me being a sullen teenager who's going "Dawson's Creek" on your ass, either.

So I left the 305 today around 11:30 AM. It took a while to get everything in the car, etc...but the goodbye hugs were when the waterworks started flowing. I haven't cried like that in years. You know, the kind where you get blotchy and ugly and snot is everywhere and you hiccup? That kind.

So it's just good ole' Marlene and me right now. Road tripping. We saw the Endeavour launch from a beach in Cape Canaveral alongside hundreds of others. The lady right next to us was my favorite. She had a European accent, was in her sixties, and had long, blue nails. She'd put her ear next to Mom's radio and give bi-minutely (well, it's a word now) reports: "THEHRTEE SEHKONDS!" She was so cute. However, she said she was mostly concerned with her car being parked illegally, rather than the launch.
( up, up, and away )

Now I'm at a cute little Marriott by UCF, just having finished a no-it's-not-delivery-it's-DiGiorno pizza and I'm thinking about everything and everyone I left behind and hoping it's all going to be okay.

I've been in kind of a funk lately. Waking up at 5pm everyday, doing nothing but eating and watching Dawson's Creek, along with the occasional nighttime outing. I've been having bad dreams, too. There was one the other night where Matt Schwartz and I were at Grad Nite and whilst riding It's A Small World, he told me he couldn't be my friend anymore. I think it had something to do with our facebook marriage. It was horrible, and I woke up crying. (Thinking about it now, though, it's pretty funny.)
Then last night I dreamt I was back in ballet class, only just as I am now, and I bitched out the teacher for "discriminating" against me because I didn't have an eating disorder. It was slightly liberating at the moment, but I woke up really tense. Maybe it was because I also dreamt that this girl stole my pointe shoes because I was the "fat" one and I "didn't belong" there.
So I was in a bad mood not only because of the nightmare, but also because I realized we're leaving really, really soon. In about a week and a half, actually. It's strange...I feel more angry than sad. And there's nothing that can be done.
Today I went to see Hairspray with Alina and her cousin. I was in a really bad mood all day except for those two hours. Coming down from my cinematic high, I (pitifully) smoked some cigarettes in he rain and went to Target. Didn't really need anything, but one never leaves Target without buying something. So I got soda and deoderant.
Everyone needs soda and deoderant.